Identifying and Letting Go of Unsafe People

Most of us have unsafe people in our life until we build the habit of letting go of unsafe people as soon as their behavior reveals them to be unsafe. The beginning of the process of identifying and letting go of unsafe people hurts. Sometimes, we have partnered with someone who is unsafe or allowed them to become our closest friend. Even if this is the case, I promise you that letting them go will improve your life by leaps and bounds and make room for safe people who will uplift and support you. This is because unsafe people chip away at our well-being and hinder our ability to see the good in ourselves.

We need to pay attention to how we feel when we are around people and what our lingering feelings are when we are apart. Unsafe people will leave us feeling unsure, unstable, and insecure. This is because unsafe people do not respect our needs. The actions and words of unsafe people rarely align. If you have an unsafe person in your life and try to talk with them about how they make you feel, they generally become defensive or evasive and struggle to take responsibility for the pain they have caused. If your track your emotional experience with the people in your life, patterns will start to emerge. The unsafe people will leave you feeling drained and in a negative place. Realizing that you are not thriving in the relationship dynamic can help you own that you need to get out of the negative dynamic you are in.

How you get out is determined by level of entanglement. If you are married with children, you may want to try couples therapy to heal the relationship before leaving. This can also be true if the unsafe person is your closest friend. I have worked with friends and helped them heal broken dynamics, and sometimes the relationship is beyond repair. If you know the relationship is beyond repair, taking the time to organize your life so that you can handle the upcoming separation can make the dissolution of the relationship a bit easier. If it is a friend or a partner you do not live with, the dissolution of the relationship can begin with spending less time together. If it is a partner you live with, talking with them about your feelings and reflecting on their reactions can help you know if now is the time to leave.