Healing Broken Relationships

There are a few things that are generally at the core of any broken relationship, and not all relationships can be healed. If abuse is the central issue, then it may be best to have no contact and move on to healing yourself from the trauma that relationship caused. If betrayal is at the root of the break, then it depends on if forgiveness of that betrayal is realistic, and, if it is not, then sadly moving on is best. The other three main reasons relationships break down are poor communication, lack of accountability, and/or unrealistic expectations. The starting point for healing begins with an honest conversation and a willingness to have multiple conversations in which one person’s needs are centered and the other person expresses whether or not they can meet those needs. This is a negotiation of the new boundaries for the new relationship that needs to be healed because the old one is broken.

Starting a new relationship begins with ending the old one, and that means letting go of any resentments which requires accountability on both sides. What were your wrongs? No one is perfect and allowing the other person space to tell you their perception of what your wrongs in the relationship were will go a long way towards allowing them to heal. With that said, not everything we do that causes harm is born out of a character flaw. For example, if you are a truth teller and that hurts people but you don’t desire to change this about yourself, examine if there is a gentler way to deliver the truth. Are there ways to modify your behavior so that it does not cause harm? If not, then it is best to create a new relationship that has more distance in it than the previous one. There also needs to be space for you to share what you think the other person’s wrongs were. If they cannot give that space, then you must consider if the imbalance that will exist is worth it.

Giving space and taking accountability are central to a healthy dynamic and good communication, but relationships need more than these three things. They need fun. Are you able to have fun with this person? Is it that once upon a time the relationship was really enjoyable and now you have simply grown apart? Outgrowing people sadly is a natural part of life. As we live our lives, our circumstances change and some people will change in ways that fit into our life and others will change in ways that do not. It is up to us decide if the relationship is worth changing with the goal of healing the and maintaining the relationship. All relationships require maintenance. Some are higher maintenance than others, and it is up to us to decide if the relationship is worth the work. I believe it is always worthwhile to do the work to heal. I also believe that once the healing is done, not every relationship will need to continue beyond that healing point. It is ok to let go and prioritize yourself and your needs.

Posted on Monday: 05 June, 2023