Anger Versus Frustration and Why the Difference Matters

Understanding the difference between frustration and anger is key to most successful conflict resolution whether it be in the workplace or in the home. Understanding the nature of anger and frustration will help identify if the cause for the negative emotions is internal or external, something that has been brewing over time, or a reaction to a current real time, right now event. Anger tends to occur when an internal sensitivity is touched on by an external event. For example, a person that has an internal sensitivity to not being heard when having the external event of being spoken over or dismissed will feel anger. Frustration is also a mix of internal and external, however the internal tends to be desires and goals and the external tends to be obstacles to having a desire fulfilled or reaching a goal.

Knowing if you are angry or frustrated will help you know what the internal exploration process will be. Starting be asking yourself if it is a an issue with injustice, unfairness, humiliation, dismissiveness, not being heard or along these lines will help you identify that you are angry. How we deescalate and manage anger is slightly different than how we deescalate and manage frustration because anger usually happens in the moment and is generally more pressing in the situation. Knowing what makes you angry can help you prevent feeling blindsided by your anger and prevent you from reacting in ways that you will regret later. Knowing what your beliefs are regarding what is fair and just will go a long towards preventing you from losing your temper, because you will be able to identify situations that will cause anger more easily.

Frustration on the other hand is generally more of a slow burn over time. That is because frustration is generally an expression  of the death of hope and potential unrealized. Knowing what your expectations are of yourself and others and how often they are not met will go a long way towards managing frustration and preventing it from boiling over. Assessing how often people disappoint you and how often you feel disappointed will help prevent you from feeling blindsided from frustration. Unlike anger, when frustration blindsides us we can usually see a way that it could have been avoid which exacerbates the feelings of frustration and usually onboards feelings of anger and resentment. If we are aware that a situation is causing us to lose hope or making us feel stymied, then we can assess our desires and look for alternative pathways for achieving our goals. This will allows to let go of the disappointment and deconstruct our frustration. Deescalate anger and frustration increase our efficacy and agency in every aspect of our lives.