Fighting Your Demons and Winning

We all have demons or dark thoughts, and while they may come in a few varieties, they all have one thing in common: they lie. The biggest lie dark thoughts tell us is that we can know other people’s internal lives. In reality, the only person’s internal life we can know is our own. This is a hard concept for some to accept. Even I fall prey to thinking I can know the motivations and internal lives of others, so I do my best to cultivate a healthy dose of skepticism when I feel sure that I know another person’s motivations without talking to them. And, more importantly, I listen to their answer when I ask. When our inner demons take over, we stop listening to any other voice than theirs, and when that happens, we are alone with our worst enemies: often times in a battle for our lives. This is not always obvious to the people around us. The more we struggle, the deeper we slide into the pit. We often hope that someone will provide us with help, but the truth is the people around are generally unequipped to help. The good news is we have all we need to fight and conquer our demos no matter what shape and size they come in.

The first step is is the hardest because it requires you to let down your walls and live authentically. When we live authentically, we immediately become safer. If we live our truth, we do not have to live in fear that some secret will be revealed. It also means that we are honest with ourselves about how we feel and come to realize how much of what feeds our demons and keeps them nourished are fabrications born of fear. Creating a life that is authentic and safe allows us to heal from the trauma that created our demons. Our demons don’t start out as a bad thing. At some point in our lives, our demons were our protectors and, as we outgrow the need for that protection, they turn against us. I like to think of demons like a fork. Forks are great unless we are eating soup. A defense mechanism that protects us for dangers that no longer exist is like trying to eat soup with a fork.

The dissatisfaction and inadequacy of the old defense mechanism slowly turns it into a demon, and it tries to fit your new dynamic. Living authentically lets you view your life in its full context and understand why this demon no longer serves you as an appropriate line of defense. Ask yourself: what is your demon trying to protect you from? My clients also find that, once they name the demon and circumstances that lead to its formation, they were able to create a blueprint for disarming the negative self-judgment. Because our demons are old defense mechanisms, they generally turn into self-doubt in and around the topics that created them. Being aware of the triggers helps reduce the likelihood of your demon making an appearance. Making a plan on how to navigate triggers further dismantles the dynamics that indicate you need the help of a defense mechanism. Once you have the distance, you can ask yourself if your demons’ recommendations and character assassinations are value based. This will be an ongoing process, but soon you will have the necessary patters and habits that take away your demons’ power over you.