Is Your Marriage Over?

A sad truth is that, by the time most couples seek couples therapy, the marriage is already over. In my experience at the end of a marriage there is still a lot of love and unresolved feelings that can make it seem like the relationship is salvageable when it is not. There is also the harsh truth that divorce often comes with a financial shift and social shift. It also causes a change in the family dynamic. Because of these complexities, the decision to divorce should never be taken lightly, but if you are considering divorce there is a strong chance that the relationship has come to an end. This is a very sad thing, and sometimes we can fight our way back, but make no mistake saving marriage, like ending a marriage, can be a very brutal process.

Sadly, I have never worked with a couple that has decided to save their marriage that did not have a brutal process. The reason for this is that the decision to have couples counseling is usually a last resort for saving the marriage. When we reach the end of our understanding of how to move forward and need the help of counseling, that reflects a lot of pain. The handful of couples I have worked with that did not have a brutal process usually had one partner that was completely done and coming to therapy to give their partner the space to understand why they are done. Divorce is also a brutal process for many of the same reasons that couples therapy is brutal, and that is all of the unresolved pain.

A lot of couples go to therapy to say that they have tried everything. Most know that the relationship has reached an ending and are hoping to avoid the painful process of facing that the person they married is no longer their person. That realization is incredibly sad and incredibly painful. The deciding factor for whether or not you should divorce is about your ability to have more good days than bad. Is living with your spouse a space in which you can thrive? Would you have more peace and stability if you did the work to let go of your marriage? Can you be the best version of you in your current relationship? Only you can decide if you should get a divorce, and again divorce should never be taken lightly, but you have the right to pursue peace and happiness.