Are you a Good Parent?

Parenting is often like shouting into an abyss. Beyond parent teacher meetings, there is hardly any information about what your child’s values are. There are very few moments when, as parents, we get to see if the lessons we are trying to impart are having any impact, and when our children become teens it become even harder to know. Sadly, the better you are at being a parent the less information you will have about your parenting. There are those parents who are also friends with their children and very close, but even those parents have doubts. To be a parent is to live in doubt, but there are some habits that research and the type of adults children grow up to be indicate that they had good parents.

Interestingly, liking your child is not on the list of being a good parent. Acting like you like your child is. Even when they are at their most monstrous, it is important that your child feels liked by you. This means having conversations in which you give them specific feedback about their characteristics you like. For example, if your child is helpful, complimenting the way that they helped with examples. Giving compliments that are not specific and do not have examples tend to feel like platitudes and does not serve you or your child. Take time to yourself and find things that you value in your child. Even the most difficult child has things that can be complimented whether it be a sense of adventure, their independence, or the strength of their will.

Strong willed, challenging children are often argumentative and distrusting of adults. This means that they are usually good researchers and seekers of facts. In addition to giving specific compliments, good parents allow their children to be themselves even if that means the child is not who you want them to be. This can be the hardest thing for a parent to do because we all just want what’s best for our children. Letting your child make mistakes while in the safety of your home will allow them to be able to know how to navigate their way out of difficult times when they are no longer in your home. Giving them the freedom to be themselves and explore the world from a young age will help them navigate the pitfalls we all encounter in adulthood. Another thing good parents do is acknowledge their mistakes and apologize for them. I think this is one of the most important things a parent can do. It teaches your child that you know right from wrong and models for them what to do when they are wrong. These are just a few of the things good parents do. Sadly, no matter how good of a parent you are, there will be difficult times. Know that you are not alone and you can survive raising your child and have a good relationship with them in adulthood. I promise you are doing a better job than you think.

Posted on Monday: 22 May, 2023