Are You A Good Person?

Most people are surprised that I do not consider myself to be a “good person”, and I do not value being a “good person”. This is not to say that I think I am bad person or that I don’t try not to cause harm. I simply don’t value being a “good person” because, for me, that is an unattainable goal. For me, the bar of “good” is actual outstanding, beyond reproach, perfect. With this definition of “good person”, I looked around and didn’t see any. I don’t know anyone who is perfect. I want to challenge you to ask yourself what does being a “good person” actually mean to you? The word “good” for me means perfect when followed by the word “person”. When taken on its own, “good” means adequate to me. That’s not the dictionary definition of “good”. It is my emotional definition of the word. For me, “good” has always been a word that is defined by emotion.

Knowing my emotional definitions versus my text book definitions helped me realize that I don’t value certain things, such as being a “good person”, because they are not attainable for me. Knowing what I can and cannot be took an amazing amount of weight off of my shoulders. When I replaced “good’ with “compassionate”, I became a better and more grounded person. I can be a compassionate person that does their best to put more good than bad into the world. In this context, “good” means the things that I value and the things that help the people I care about reach their goals. When I broke down my own understanding of what the word “good’ means to me in different context, I was amazed how far from the dictionary definition most of my definitions were.

Knowing how you define words and how those definitions create expectations can unlock your ability to be someone you value and respect. Crafting a definition of who we can be that is positive and moving away from language that creates unrealistic expectations of ourselves is freeing. When we set achievable goals that may require us to reach and challenge ourselves but can be realized, our internal world becomes much more positive. Our aspirational self needs to be based on reality. For me, to be beyond reproach or “good”, means being perfect. What type of person do you want to be and what evidence do you have that you can be that person? For me, being compassionate is achievable because compassion to me is simply understanding that everyone is going through something. When I look at the world through the lens that I don’t know what a person’s burdens are and that everyone has burdens, I’m more patient. Who do you want to be?