Building a More Secure Self

Insecurities are rooted in childhood experiences, failure to meet your own expectations, comparisons to others, and lack of opportunities. Each one of these causes has their own unique solution. Healing from childhood trauma starts with accepting that trauma is trauma. If you had an experience in your childhood that caused you trauma, and the adults in your life did not respond in a way that created a sense of being cared for and protected, the result will be a difficulty to trust. This is because it disrupts the bond with caregivers and changes our perception of our ability to rely on them. Realizing that you are now your primary caregiver and can set your own boundaries will improve your ability to trust yourself and feel more secure.

You hold an incredible amount of power over your own experience in life. You have the ability to set realistic expectations and stop uneven comparisons to others. For better or worse, we do not have access to every opportunity available to others. Having a realistic view of your opportunities and your ability to make the most of those opportunities is vital to improving your ability to feel secure. When we view an opportunity we must also take into account to risk and cost of pursuing that opportunity. We often get blinded by what we could have without considering what is necessary to attain our goals and maximize our own opportunities. When viewing opportunities, we must put ourselves in context and look at any obstacles that may exist or hinder our ability to seize on improvement.

Having a realistic sense of ourselves in the world and what social or recourse biases may exist is necessary if we are to set realistic expectations of ourselves. Change and goal achievement are both incremental processes. Talking a step back and celebrating what we have achieved is also extremely important for our security. Creating a culture of celebration trains our mind to look for the win. By being success focused, we become more secure in own capabilities and less reliant on the perceptions of others. Having a culture of success and celebration creates a feedback loop of positivity and keeps our focus on ourselves when we look for what it means to be successful. You can succeed and you can be more secure on the successes you already have. You are in the driver’s seat and can look how far you’ve already come and all that you have already achieved. Being here, now, is something to celebrate. You are safe. You have the space to now become more secure in that safety.