De-escalating Triggers

Triggers are anything that result in an automatic emotional reaction that can be positive or negative and generally are connected to our past experiences. Some triggers can evoke feelings of positivity, and others can evoke feelings of negativity. De-escalating our reaction to negative triggers is an important aspect of good mood regulation and increases our emotional safety. Understanding if the trigger is the result of bad past experiences or tied to a negative feeling about ourselves helps up know where to start. Also knowing the difference between feeling upset and being triggered is important. For example, if you do not like to wait and are ok with your level of patience and have no trauma related to waiting, it is simply upsetting to wait. Even if you feel disrespected when kept waiting. Waiting is not a trigger if it does not connect to feelings of worthlessness or past trauma when you were kept waiting and harm occurred.

Having preference in the way we are treated is normal and healthy. Feeling upset when we are not treated the way we would like to be treated is also healthy and normal. Getting upset to the point where it ruins our day, we lash out, or we are unable to calm our upset is more a matter of emotional regulation than being triggered. When we are triggered, there is always a connection to a past trauma or our own negative self-concept. When we feel upset, doing a quick personal inventory helps us shift from looking outward to looking inward. Looking inward is a vital part of good emotional regulation because the only person we can control is ourselves.

Once we are looking inward, we can assess if our current upset is connected to a past trauma. Using the waiting example from above, if we have in our past been left waiting by our parents as a child during after school pick up, this can be traumatizing and make waiting a trigger. Additionally, if we fear that we do not deserve people’s time and consideration, this can also be a trigger. If it is connected to a trauma, quickly telling yourself “I did not deserve to be kept waiting as child” can help. When I am kept waiting as an adult, the dynamic that is making me wait does not have the power to abandon me. When triggers are connected to childhood trauma, reclaiming your power can be a big step in de-escalation. When it is connected to self-worth, it is a defensive response because most of our negative self-worth when confronted falls flat. You are worth time and attention, and giving yourself a moment to embrace this truth helps de-escalate triggers connect to self-worth.