Getting the Love You Deserve

With Valentine’s Day having just passed and White day around the corner, this is the time of year when we start to think about love and romance and the state of our relationships. I write a lot about changing and improving the relationships we are in, but this week I want to focus on those who are single and looking for love. How we prepare for being “relationship ready” greatly impacts how we approach getting into and maintaining relationships, whether they be romantic or friendships. I advise everyone to start with what is their primary need and really breaking that down to granular needs and desires. For example, if companionship is at the top of the list, what type of companionship?

Most desires start as a broad category that can be broken down into refined, specific desires. Companionship, for example, can be broken down into “I want someone to hold my hand and go on walks with” or “I want to watch a particular tv show with someone.” Knowing what you want exactly and specifically will help you vet the people you come into contact with for compatibility. If you are an outdoor activity enthusiast, friends and romantic partners who are not will be a mismatch, and far too often we settle for what we can get rather than waiting for what we really want. By accepting less than we want, we all but guarantee that we will not have room for what we deserve. This is because we all have a built-in social capacity limit. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, and how we spend those hours limits our ability to try new things and meet new people.

Meeting new people can be challenging especially if we feel as though we have tried and failed. The thing about social networks and social media is that they are always changing, and if we revisit them and look for new options on a regular basis, we will find new opportunities on a regular basis. We can look for spaces that host the type events we would enjoy and look for groups that engage in the types of events we would enjoy and engage in those events. If no events that you would enjoy exist in your area, try starting one. Go on social media and ask if there is any interest in such an event or activity. Putting yourself out there is scary, but it is also the only way to get what you want, and you deserve the best chance at happiness there is. Your happiness is worth the effort.