Happiness Blog May 13, 2019

Building on last week, ask yourself why you still have negative feelings about things from your past. This can help you unpack and examine those feelings. We should ask ourselves: what events do I feel bitter or angry about? Once we know what events, if any, we are holding onto, we can begin the process of unpacking and examining what about these events is preventing us from letting go. Exploring the cause of those feelings leads to a better understanding of what those feelings are and where they come from. For example, is the underlying emotion injustice, hurt, loss, or something else? Once you have identified the underlying emotion, you can do the work to gain healing. If it is injustice, can you right the wrong or contribute to mitigating the negative impact of the injustice? If it is hurt, what would give you healing? If it is loss, grieve the loss and give yourself closure. This is the process of unpacking and examining what about this event is preventing us from letting go.

Another important part of the process is knowing our limits, knowing what we can and cannot change. For things that are out of our control, we must accept that we cannot impact them. Knowing our limits is an important aspect of boundary setting. Boundary setting defines our boundaries and our limits. Good boundaries prevent resentment from forming by limiting negative feelings. If we know our limits and understand what we can and cannot impact, we naturally feel safer and more secure. We need security and safety to have the space to feel our feelings. The only way is through the pain and anger. We have to feel those feelings to heal.

Once we have felt our feelings, we need to know how to move forward. A big part of moving forward is making decisions. Decide what you are going to do limit the likelihood that you will ever feel this way again. Seeking closure isn’t about feeling good, it is about turning the page. When seeking resolution, it is important to know that we can only control what we do. So while you may want answers, there is no guarantee that the other person will have them or will want to give them. When making a healing plan, I always recommend limiting it to actions you will take and not relying on others. Limiting the healing plan to actions you will take ensures that you will be able to enact the plan fully and completely.

Posted on Monday: 13 May, 2019