Happiness Blog May 27, 2019

The past is fixed and cannot be changed. Once you have done what you can to gain healing and forgive yourself, you need to accept the past is done. Accepting that the past is done does not mean that everything that happened in the past was okay. It means that we have decided to be okay despite what has happened in our past. The past is gone. Accepting that the past is gone allows us to let go of magical thinking and rumination that keeps our mind transfixed on the past. Revisiting what has happened in the past will not change it. Spending our energy on “what if” or “if only” thinking about the past is a waste of time.

One way to stop rumination and the “what if” / “if only” game about the past is to be frank and honest with yourself. Look at the past in a factual manner. What happened, happened, and there is nothing you can do to change it. If you hurt someone, try to make amends, but remember that it is up to them whether they accept your efforts. If someone hurt you and they choose not to make amends, then you have only two choices: let them go or accept them for who they are. Understand that when people show you who they are, you should believe them. Letting people go can be painful, but once you are on the other side of the choice life becomes much easier. Letting go of the past starts with the decision to do so. Holding onto the past is a colossal waste of energy.

Once we check in and realize how much energy we are wasting on the past, we can start to focus that energy toward being the best version of ourselves. Our energy is a finite and precious resource. We need to be good caretakers in how we spend it. A big part of that is being mindful of how much energy we spend on things that happened in the past. The past is immutable; it cannot be undone. Focusing on the past drains our energy and happiness. It also prevents us from enjoying the here and now. We are in control of the present, but we can only control ourselves. Focusing on the past wastes our vital and precious energy. We are worthy and deserving of our vital energy and wellbeing. Remind yourself of this anytime you feel stuck or resentful.

Posted on Monday: 27 May, 2019