Is Your Self Soothing Hurting You?

Self-soothing is any behavior we do to regulate our emotions and cope with difficult feelings. Self-soothing can become toxic when we use substances such as alcohol, nicotine, and food to help us feel better. It is also harmful when we use emotional outburst or emotional retreat to regulate how we are feeling. Looking at your life and asking if there are things that you do too often that you would like to do less often can provide helpful insights into whether or not you have maladaptive self-soothing habits on board. Many of the patterns that do not serve us were formed in our early childhood and adolescence. Anything that we do in excess can be a maladaptive self-soothing technique. During puberty is when most adults form the majority of self-soothing habits.

How we can know if excessive behavior is overindulgence or a maladaptive self-soothing behavior or a bit of both is to be very honest with ourselves about why we are overindulging. Not everyone who smokes or vapes is doing so to self-sooth. Some smokers and vapers simply enjoy inhalants. Just as some people who overeat simply enjoy food.  It becomes a self-soothing behavior when the overindulgence is focus is to distract or change mood. When you are engaging in overindulgence or extreme mood expressions, treat yourself with compassion and try to unpack what your internal experience is. Are you in a heightened emotional state and what caused the emotional spike?

Observing and unpacking your emotions without judgment will help you better understand what you find overwhelming. When you are exploring your emotional landscape, remind yourself that you are safe. You are in control, and you are the most powerful person in your life. We often lose sight of our own power in times of heightened emotional states. We are the only person who knows our internal truth. Because we have the most information about ourselves, we have the most power. The most powerful tool for change is understanding. Unpack why the situation is heightening your emotions and make a choice to deescalate. Pick sensory stimulators that communicate that you are safe and that you are in control. There are a lot of techniques for self-soothing that create positive internal dynamics. A few of them are tapping, havening touch, and sensory stimulation. Try out a few different techniques and mix and match to find the right combination for you. Try to remember you are the most powerful person in your life.