Learning to Prioritize Yourself

As a therapist, I have a lot of conversations that center around the theme of prioritizing oneself. I own that I often fall into old habits that put me at the bottom of my own to do list. Putting yourself first often just feels wrong or impossible. On any given day, I can find least at least 10 good reasons that making myself a priority is either impossible or unfair to the people in my life. Learning how to prioritize yourself as a means to be more giving takes work and focus. Finding the mental space to do the work can feel daunting, and where to start is often and mystery. When I notice that my self-care is off track, I start with looking at what am I doing first thing in the morning? For me, if I’m checking my email before saying good morning to my husband, things are out of alignment. I have a high pressure job where sometimes lives are literally on the line, but 10 minutes in the morning will not make a difference, and if 10 minutes will not make a difference, would 30? This may make me sound like a horrible person, but the truth is a dashed off email when I’m feeling depleted is not as good as a thoughtful email once I’ve had time to center myself.

For me, I need 30 minutes every morning with my husband on our balcony drinking our morning beverage to center myself and feel whole. What do you need at the start of your day to center you and make you feel whole? I’m always shocked by how few people know how to answer this question. The truth of the matter is we spend precious little time considering what it is we actually need to feel centered and whole. The feeling of being centered is in large part created by our morning routine. As a life long insomniac, I know how sleep deprivation can have a devastating effect on all aspect of our lives and especially our morning routines. It still does not change the fact that I need 30 minutes at the start of my day with my husband to feel centered and whole.

Knowing what you need at the start of your day will help you figure out what the priority should be for you and how to create a life that lets you get that need met. For me, it is communicating when my insomnia has overtaken me and arranging to have those 30 minutes at some point in the day even if it is not first thing in the morning. Treating that 30 minutes with my husband as sacred ensures that my needs are always on my mind and that I am continually asking myself if my habits serve me. If I wake up and check my email first thing in the morning, that does not serve me. That eats away at my well-being and means there is less of me to give to the clients I work with, my family, and myself. What are you doing that centers you in your morning, evening, or afternoon? When is there a 30 minute segment of time that is just for you and about getting your needs met? Everyone has 30 minutes in their day, and for those who tell me they do not, I always ask them to look again. So look again. When do you have 30 minutes in your day to think about your happiness and make a plan to achieve it? Now take that time and center yourself. If you don’t have it, let’s focus on creating it.