Navigating Loneliness in a Hyper-Connected World

At first glance, it seems like connections and opportunities to connect are everywhere. This is simply an illusion because the focus tends to be on the speed of connection and variety of platforms offering connections rather than the quality of connection. We have stopped considering our preferred style of meeting people and connecting, resulting in us feeling lonely. How lonely we feel is rarely related to how many notifications we have or don’t have and is instead dictated by how often we do the things that make us feel connected in a meaningful way. Connection has come to represent increasingly shallow and anonymous alerts rather than someone reaching out to share details of their life or check in on a friend. Digital communication can often boil down to anecdotal connections that leave us feeling empty. When feeling lonely, we need to examine what makes us feel seen, heard, and validated. We need to take responsibility for the work we are not doing to stay truly connected. Vetting the quality of our connections is a living process that needs to be done on a regular basis. It’s also important not to expect our romantic relationship to fill the loneliness void.

People are at their healthiest when they have variety in their connections. People need a balance of varying levels of intimacy and closeness in connections to fully express the diversity in all of our personalities. Having a blend allows us to have the full range of who we are expressed with people who will enjoy that expression. Exploring and understanding all of our shades allows us to understand what we need socially and helps build a social life that keeps loneliness at bay. This becomes more complex when we add living abroad into the mix. Living away from family and long term friends in a country where we don’t have those historical connections can lead to us becoming dependent on electronic connections. This is natural and, for a limited time can be socially sustaining, but sadly is a short-term solution. While one emotionally honest conversation and connection can be nourishing, it is rarely enough to sustain us. Most people crave diversity in their connections. Another complication when living abroad is knowing when sharing how you actually feel will result in deeper connection.

Building connections and depth requires shared experiences. This requires time spent together, and the easiest way to develop this is to venture out into your neighborhood and start building connections with the people in your daily routine. Polite extended conversations with your grocer or coffee barista will increase confidence in your ability to connect in the real world while making your new neighborhood feel like home. These small steps can make it feel safe to take bigger steps like looking for activities and groups of shared interest. While you work on shifting your connections from online to the real world, be gentle and honest with yourself. Remember to also strike a balance. Staying appraised of what’s happening on the internet and online social groups is as important as making in person, real world connections. Feeling connected is nuanced and complex. Striking a balance between real world and online connections will help you express yourself more fully while feeling grounded and free. Doing the things that interest you will diversify your opportunities to connect while enjoying yourself. You deserve your life to be a celebration.