The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a very misunderstood psychological construct. When looking at what forgiveness is through the lens of psychology, we begin to understand that it is a process. Forgiveness is not acceptance; nor is it letting go of hurt and anger. Forgiveness is the process of deciding to do the work to unpack resentment. Forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is one of the most significant acts of self compassion we can practice. This is because, when we examine our resentments, we can see moments when we overextended ourselves. When we give more than what is comfortable and do not see the return on investment we expected, resentment is born.

We all have situations and scenarios that trigger the desire to overextend. When we examine what we are compensating for with our over-extension, we can start the process of forgiving ourselves. When we are in a compensatory mindset, we are devaluing ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves for our deficits. When we are honest with ourselves about what we are lacking, we can the apply that process to understand where we excel. We all have gifts and deficits because no one is perfect. Knowing our worth allows us to be aware of the dangers of over-extension. When we know our worth, we also understand that we don’t need to compensate and overextend.

Resentment is almost always connected to over-extension, and letting go of resentment is at the heart of forgiveness.

At its core, forgiveness is about changing our emotional landscape, owning our power, and changing our behaviors. You are the only person you can control. Focusing on the behaviors of others is a waste of our time and energy and feeds resentments. Stop doing the things that make you feel overextended and trust that the people who truly value you will still want you in their life. The people who expect you to extend yourself in ways that cause you harm and feeds resentment are unworthy of your time and energy. Once you truly embrace your power, resentments become easier to deconstruct, and forgiveness gets a whole lot easier as well. Having and holding boundaries creates an eternal atmosphere of personal responsibility, self-love, and forgiveness.