Learning to Protect Our Mental Health

Most of our habits, healthy or otherwise, are learned. This persistent myth that people with good boundaries and good self-care habits were just born that way is inaccurate and harmful. The ability or inability to protect our mental health is shaped by our past, influenced by our environments, and strengthened or weakened through practice. To understand what we have learned, it is helpful to reflect on what we witnessed our caregivers doing with regards to protecting and fostering their own mental health. Did our early caregivers model protecting mental health and actively protect their own joy? Were discussions about feelings and emotional check-ins a part of daily life? Were conflicts resolved quickly and fairly? Were misunderstandings allowed to escalate or be explored and resolved with compassion for all sides? When you were young and felt emotionally out of control or deregulated, were you taught how to self-soothe and given the space to do so? The answer to all of these questions inform how your nervous system was taught to respond to heightened emotional states and where that education came from.

If your toddler years were not filled with opportunities to protect and foster your mental health it would make sense that this lack of emotional safety and protect may continue on throughout your formative years impacting your relationships. As adults, protecting our mental health is more complex, and this complexity begins in middle school with the development of our social self. During adolescence and throughout adulthood, a big part of our ability to protect our mental health is dictated by who we have in our life. Do you surround yourself with people who support your mental health? In middle school and beyond did/do your friends listen and respond to your needs? Are you able to do the same for them? If not, your friend group could be a major issue when it comes to protecting and fostering good mental health. By looking back over our life and understanding what were taught, we become better able to identify the root of weak points when it comes to protecting out mental health. This inventory of what we’re taught allows us to know where to begin.

If we were never taught or given the space to master emotional regulation, this means we need to retrain our nervous system. This starts with examining our reaction process. When upset, do we give ourselves space to process before we react? When we don’t take the time to process our feelings, this typically leads to misunderstandings escalating, which negatively impacts our mental health. A good way to create space when faced with news or situations that are upsetting is to ask yourself exploratory questions to understand the root of the upset. If there are questions you cannot answer, then asking someone who can is also helpful. This can also help create boundaries or a list of things that you do not want in your life. Excising the things that do not serve is a profound way to protect your mental health. Knowing your triggers allows you to limit contact with people and things that have a negative impact on your mental health. Learning to take protective positions takes time, and how much time is often dictated by what we learned or did not learn growing up. During the process of developing the habits that protect your mental health, be patient and loving with yourself and know you can get to a place of peace.