Living in Your Truth

Ok, I will admit that my position on this is controversial. I do not think that living your truth means everyone needs to know your truth. I work with a lot of folks who tell each part of their truth to everyone in their life, and I personally do not think everyone needs to know anyone’s “whole truth” and find that very few people know their “whole truth”. I find what I think of as radical truth tellers tend to struggle with understanding that there are usually exceptions to every truth. I find that most people do not realize that our truths are usually tied to our boundaries. “Boundaries” is just another way of saying rules of conduct to be in my presence and have me feel comfortable and ok. When I break down boundaries in this way, a lot of people struggle with it.

In clinical psychology, “boundary” means “the edge of appropriate behavior.” What is and what is not appropriate varies wildly among individuals. For example, I think it is inappropriate for people to chew gum if they are interacting with others. When I socialize, I tend to not socialize with people who causally chew gum. I drink water during sessions. For some this is inappropriate, and they would prefer if I didn’t. These two examples are preferences, not boundaries. My boundaries tend to be safety focused because I have a compromised immune system. For others, boundaries can be around emotional or physical comfort. I’m going to break out the most controversial boundary right now, and that is pronouns. How people refer to you when you are not around is an emotional boundary attached to your gender truth.

I personally do not like being asked what my pronouns are. For some, not asking what a person’s pronouns are is denying them their truth. I challenge, is it? I think if your truth is that your identity needs the validation of others, that is 100% ok. For me, I have a space on my intake form for people to put their pronouns if they choose or not if they choose not to. I do this because I think those who would rather not discuss their pronouns have a right not to. I also highly value those who want to list their pronouns. I respect everyone’s boundaries and truth. I just struggle with the extremes that the discourse has reached. I am a safe person, and that means that I must respect and protect those who would like their pronouns to be known and those that do not want their pronouns to be a topic of public discourse. Both sides are ok. What I want everyone to consider is whose responsibility is it to make their truth known? Why do they need their truth known? Can we accept that people who do not think like us are safe? Am I safe if I don’t want to discuss my pronouns but will listen with respect as you discuss yours? This is my truth. Should I have kept it to myself?