Should You Get A Divorce?

This is the number one question couples ask me and usually ask me 6 months to a year later than they should have. The number one mistake I see couples make who are considering divorce is to wait to engage a therapist or counselor. The first time divorce crosses your mind is when you should seek support. Most couples contact me after a potentially marriage ending fight. If your spouse will not go to therapy the first time divorce crosses your mind or you realize that the marriage isn’t working for you, this is a red flag. It indicates that their happiness in the marriage has nothing to do with your happiness in the marriage. This is usually at the heart of bad marriages.

If you tell your spouse that you are unhappy in the marriage and want to speak to someone who can tell you why you are so unhappy and help your spouse hear you, they should say yes. Of course, there are things to consider like time, money, and fit. What is not up for consideration is your reality. You are unhappy. That does not make you the problem, nor does it make your spouse the problem. It does reflect that your marriage dynamic is a part of the problem. If your spouse is refusing to engage in exploration with a professional guide, then you need to decide if the lack of consideration and collaboration this reflects is a staple in your marriage. If it is, are you ok with the current balance, or is this imbalance at the heart of your dissatisfaction?

I am very transparent that I am 100% pro-marriage. I am also 100% transparent that my current marriage is my second marriage. It is also my husband’s second marriage. I have firsthand experience with the realities of divorce. I also have first hand experience with what it takes to save a marriage. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 3 decades, and we’re happy, but we haven’t always been happy. Knowing when it’s time to divorce greatly impacts life post-divorce. If you divorce before you hate your spouse, you can have an amicable divorce. If you stay in the marriage and work on things and the marriage survives, you can have the marriage of your dreams. Knowing where you’re at will greatly impact your ability to have more good days than bad. Some marriages just can’t be saved. Other marriages are worth the fight. Talking with a professional can help you decide which type of marriage you are in.